Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Contemplation on Trials

I'm not sure why I feel the need to blog about hard things. Perhaps it's that I feel freer putting things out there where anyone can read them. It is almost like releasing a huge held breath. I also feel it is important to document my trials for my children because this is the only journal I have.
It has not been an easy year for our little family, mostly in regards to my health and how it affects my boys. You can read about some of them here. I try not to feel guilty about how much slack Stephen has taken up with Will and the housework but often times when I see how tired he is, I can't help but feel guilty. He tells me not to but most times I can't help it.I feel bad that sometimes dinner isn't made, the house isn't clean and Will is most definitely not powder fresh when Stephen gets home from school. 

But things are looking up. Not because my trials are going away but because I'm changing my attitude towards them. Often times when I have bad things going on in my life I feel like I'm the only one going through trials, that everyone else's life is great and they have no problems. I get SO selfish when bad things happen to me. A few weeks ago we had an amazing lesson at church about trials, why we have them, and how we can deal with them and still be happy. All of the things the teacher said, I already knew to some degree but I needed to hear them again and recommit myself to be a happier person. Since then I have been a happier person and I know that both Stephen and Will have noticed a difference.

I found out last weekend that I have 2 hernias in my abdomen and that I'm going to have surgery tomorrow to fix them. That means no lifting at all for a month, including Will, which will be really hard but we put him in a toddler bed last night for the first time, I'll blog about that later though :)

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