Thursday, July 28, 2011

Feelings of Inadequacy

Lately I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy. I've been pretty sick the last few weeks and I haven't been able to take care of Will the way I feel like I should and it has caused no end of guilt. Last night I broke down and balled, partially due to the fact it's that time of the month for me, but mostly because I just don't feel like a good enough mother. I know that I'm not a bad mother, Will has never gone without a meal and is always clean and well kept but my house is a mess, I rarely make dinner, some days it's a struggle to shower.

Amidst all my sobbing, Stephen came home and immediately told me I was an amazing mother and that I should be proud of the things I do do. While this was nice to hear, it wasn't what helped me through and changed my perspective. Stephen also mentioned that I don't have to be the best mother but as long as I do the best I can with what I have, that's all that matters, the Lord will make up the difference.

I realized that I am doing the best that I can, I won't always be sick (well, knowing me, maybe I will) and I won't always be so overwhelmed. But as long as I do all I physically and emotionally can, Will will be fine.

3 comments:

Brian, Alisha, Jayce, and Halli said...

Sean, I'm so sorry you've been feeling sick! I know those feelings all too well... Being a super Mom is sure tough isn't it? There are days that my house is a mess, but maybe I was able to play and sing with the kids a little more than the day before...or days when we eat PB and J or grilled cheese for dinner, but we are smiling and have full tummies...or days where I have been sick and feeling nasty, but snuggle, read books, and actually get through the day. The fact is, we can't really do everything! But as long as we're doing the important things, that is what really matters! You have always been an inspiration to me. I always feel better after watching this mormon message. I cry every time - it's close to home! :) You'll be in my prayers!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbYLKVgwztY

Leslie said...

Oh Sian, I feel you. What mother doesn't eat, sleep, and breathe guilt at some point in her lifelong career??? My only advice: whenever you are feeling well enough to spend time with Will, make it AMAZING--even it's only for 2 or 3 minutes. Kiss him all over, tickle his toes, sing him a song, read him a book...and then give him back to Stephen. Little bouts of quality time do a world of good for you and for little Will. And then let those short moments ease your troubled soul. You ARE doing the best you can. Heavenly Father WILL pick up the slack. Love you.

Jessica said...

Sianny,
I hope you are feeling better. I think that every mother goes through times like that where you just feel like you aren't doing everything the way you are supposed to. But it's true, you can't always do it all and the most important part is that Will knows he is loved. That's what Jordan always has to remind me of. Kids just need a lot of love, and sometimes a lot of food. And then everything will be ok! It's so hard when you don't feel well enough to do all the things mothers do, but give the boy a kiss and tell him you love him, and then let friends and family help you! Take care!